Recent Movie Reviews


What are the odds? What are the odds?

Rated 5 / 5 stars

This is a really great piece of work. It gets the mind working in ways that most people wouldn't ever think of on their own. I liked the music, the pace of the narration, and the typography effects. Keep up the good work.



I'll Be There For You I'll Be There For You

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

I lol'd when she asked about the rain falling, sneaky reference to the opening theme from Friends.


LazyMuffin responds:

It seems like a sneaky reference? That was my main jokes. WHOOPS!


Apple Consumers Apple Consumers

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

I'll try to reiterate the words of the poster below me without foaming at the mouth, because that accomplishes nothing.

I'd also like to point out, I am in no way an Apple fan-boy, I own a fair amount of Apple products, as I do others, and although Steve Jobs is an idol of mine as a visionary and one of the most chill CEOs to ever exist, nobody is perfect, I admit this and accept it about people, products, and life in general.

I felt that the comedy of this movie suffered by its lack of reality. You could have gotten away with a really great movie had the information been a bit more factual, but instead, I felt like I was watching some absurdist humor toon, which is something I don't think was intended, so in my mind, you lost points from me on that aspect.

Secondly, I felt that the voice quality was fairly poor. I know it sounds a bit mean to just be blunt like that, but it was. I tried on two computers with and without a headset, and the sound seemed to be off-balanced, meaning either channel was louder or softer at random times.

Third, the animation was decent. Of course, I don't expect a flash animation to be a DaVinci or a Michelangelo, but maybe you could have tried going over each frame with a bit of a more cautious eye to avoid the "creepy crawly" effect on your line art.

Furthermore on the aspect of animation, the comic effects, such as the characters' eyes popping out for dramatic emphasis, although not the best quality, were actually fairly amusing. I'd suggest maybe a "pop" followed by a "whistle" kind of sound effect for when the blond guy's eyes came shooting out and then dropped down.

As far as the humor goes, you seem to be attacking Siri(right?) Next time, I suggest you try something a little less far-fetched if you'd like to avoid the negative comments others have been giving you. Maybe make it say something like "Error connecting to server" and show how you believe the other product is better.

I hope my constructive criticism can help in your future endeavors.

- X


Recent Game Reviews


Silly Sausage Silly Sausage

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Love the retro theme and the whole setup and concept of this game. But as the review below mine indicates, the controls system is very unforgiving, and I feel like this possibly set the bar a bit too high.

I would suggest a little bit of a tolerance for reaction time errors. This generation of gamers just isn't suited for the reflexes old 8-bit classics required. One thing I could strongly suggest in the way of tolerance would be slowing the dog's growth rate down a bit, or providing controls schemes to do so. Another thing that would probably add to the quality of the game would be to make it so that a tie between the dog's ass getting hit by a moving obstacle and the dog's paws gripping a new platform went to the player. This would add what I feel is just the right amount of give.

Even if the controls scheme and timing is off, this game is still an impressive labor, and from what I can gather from your other works, it is a labor of love for 8-bit and old-school arcade classic styles. Best of luck on your next endeavors.

- X


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Meaty Boner Meaty Boner

Rated 3 / 5 stars

Decent...

I have a lot of good things to say about this game.

First of all, the title is very clever.

The idea behind the game is a nice touch to the age-old platformer. The beat-em-up style is really cool, and the storyline is funny, especially the Dot Dot Dot references.

I was going to put this game in my favorites, but...

When I got to the third- and second-to-last levels, this game just fell apart in front of my eyes.

To start things off, those castle levels are too similarly colored, they're hard to see, maybe just lightening up the foreground could do the trick.

One thing that really set me off though, was those stunning enemies, the red/yellow-ish ones.

They would begin shooting at you as you jumped between platforms, seizing up your controls, and making you fall.

Thats it, boom, all the upgrades you earned are gone and you need to start from noob status again even though the level is significantly more difficult than the first level.

After several tries, with little success, I decided that was it for me and this game.

Great game, but it really just shoves a giant middle finger to the player towards the end.

6/10

- Sage


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SnowmanGame SnowmanGame

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars

Unfinished...

This is really an OK game.

I see it's your first submission, so, its a nice start you've got here.

Some things I think you need to add, to finish this game:

- Increasing difficulty is a must for raising playtime.
- An in-game controls screen and the option to use A/D instead of just L/R.
- Sound effects for taking damage would be nice, it would make it a little easier to focus.
- A better game over screen, because a big X over the game, while it's still running, and no Replay button really makes it a hassle to try again.

Good Luck.

- Sage


Recent Audio Reviews


Crash and Burn Crash and Burn

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

This track was absolutely great, thanks for sharing.

It's not often that I come to the Audio Portal to listen to music, but I was feeling in the mood to hear some underground artists, and I'm glad I found this on the list.

The vocals remind me a little bit of BFMV, but the screams are really a lot more pure and forceful sounding.

Piano backing up the lead guitar is also a really nice effect.

The only thing stopping this from being a 5 is that (what I felt was) the part with the biggest burst of emotion (forgive me, I don't know musical terminology) was just missing a certain something to give it a kick and drive it home.

Excellent job though, I really felt like I was listening to a professionally recorded piece.


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Dnman responds:

Thanks for listening, I checked out bfmv and I see what you mean and thanks again. And ya totally something missing at the end there. I'm considering adding lyrics to the end, originally I wanted to keep the lyrics short and sweet and have the music do the talking but i think it does need it. At the end there is when the guy finally bleeds so I should make it metal as fudge!